A Public Speaking Guide for Introverted Women
If the idea of standing in front of a room makes your heart race, but you know your career depends on getting past that fear, you are in very good company. Depending on which study you look at, somewhere between a third and a half of people are introverts, according to Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. Many of them speak in public all the time. They have just learned to do it their own way.
Being an introvert doesn’t mean being shy, and it certainly doesn’t mean having nothing to say. It usually means you recharge in quiet, think before you speak and prefer depth to small talk. Those are not weaknesses on a stage. Handled well, they are exactly what makes a speaker worth listening to.
The goal
You don’t have to become an extrovert to speak well. You have to become yourself, in front of other people.
What introverts bring to the stage
Preparation
Introverts tend to think things through. On stage, that shows up as clear structure and well-chosen words.
Listening
If you notice how people react, you can adjust as you go, and your audience will feel it.
Depth
Audiences remember substance far longer than volume. One strong idea beats ten loud ones.
Calm
A measured pace and a few well-placed pauses read as confidence, even when you don’t feel it.
Seven lessons for your next talk
Click each lesson to open it.
Lesson 1Prepare more than feels necessary
Preparation is the introvert’s advantage, so lean into it. Write your talk, then practice it out loud, not just in your head. Record yourself on your phone at least once. It feels awkward, but nothing will teach you faster.
The goal isn’t to memorize every word. It’s to know your material so well that you can find your way back if you lose your place.
Lesson 2Know your first and last lines by heart
The first thirty seconds are usually the hardest. If you know exactly how you will start, your nerves have something solid to hold on to. The same goes for your ending: a clear final line means you never have to trail off with “so, yeah, that’s it.”
Lesson 3Build your talk around three ideas
Most audiences can’t hold more than a few ideas at once, and neither can a nervous speaker. Choose the three things you most want people to remember, and give each one a story or an example. Everything else is optional.
Lesson 4Call it excitement, not nerves
Trying to calm down right before you speak rarely works. Research by Alison Wood Brooks at Harvard Business School suggests a better approach. In one experiment, people about to give a speech were asked to say either “I am calm” or “I am excited.” Those who said they were excited spoke longer and were rated as more persuasive, competent and relaxed.
A racing heart feels the same whether you are anxious or excited. Choosing to call it excitement helps you focus on what could go right.
Try saying
“I’m excited.” Out loud, if you can, right before you start.
Lesson 5Talk to one person at a time
A crowd can feel overwhelming. A single person rarely does. Instead of scanning the whole room, speak a full sentence to one friendly face, then move on to another. It turns a performance into a series of small conversations, which is where introverts are often at their best.
Lesson 6Use the pause
Silence feels much longer to the speaker than to the audience. A pause after an important point gives people time to absorb it, and gives you time to breathe. If you lose your train of thought, pause, look at your notes and carry on. Almost no one will notice.
Lesson 7Protect your energy
Speaking takes energy, and so does the socializing around it. Plan for that. Arrive early and talk to two or three people before you begin, so the room feels friendlier. Give yourself a few quiet minutes beforehand, and don’t feel guilty about taking time to recharge afterwards.
Start with small stages
Confidence on stage is built the same way as any other skill: one step at a time. Pick the next step that feels slightly uncomfortable, not terrifying.
- Share one comment in your next team meeting
- Give a short toast at a dinner with friends
- Present a five-minute update to a small group
- Lead a discussion at a book club or a LOLA chapter event
- Say yes the next time someone invites you to speak
Before you speak: a quick checklist
- I know the three ideas I want people to remember
- I can say my first and last lines without notes
- I practiced out loud at least twice, and recorded myself once
- I know the room, the microphone and how long I have
- I planned a few quiet minutes before I go on
- I will say “I’m excited” before I start
Practice somewhere safe
The easiest place to find your voice is among people who want you to succeed. LOLA chapters around the world give women a place to lead discussions, share ideas and try new things, in front of people who are rooting for them. Joining is free.
More for your career: How to Negotiate Your Salary
Sources
- Press release on Alison Wood Brooks’s research, American Psychological Association (2013)
- Get Excited: Reappraising Pre-Performance Anxiety as Excitement, Journal of Experimental Psychology: General (2014)
- Excerpt from Quiet, Susan Cain, NPR