How to Negotiate Your Salary
For many women, the hardest part of a new job offer isn’t the interview. It’s the moment after the offer, when the question hangs in the air: do I accept what they gave me, or do I ask for more?
If you have ever felt that knot in your stomach, you are not alone. Research on women and negotiation has been telling an interesting story for twenty years.
negotiated their starting salary in a well-known study of Carnegie Mellon graduates by economist Linda Babcock, who later wrote Women Don’t Ask with Sara Laschever.
got a raise when they asked, in a more recent study of Australian workers by Benjamin Artz, Amanda Goodall and Andrew Oswald. Women asked just as often. They were simply told yes less often.
The lesson
It isn’t simply “ask more.” It’s also “ask well.” Negotiating is a skill, not a personality trait, and like any skill, it gets easier with preparation and practice.
It also helps to see negotiation for what it is. A salary is a price: the value of your work, agreed between two people who both want the deal to happen. Asking for a fair price is not rude or greedy. It is a normal part of any free exchange, and the people hiring you expect it.
Before the conversation
Most negotiations are won or lost before anyone says a word. Three things are worth knowing before you walk in.
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Know the market
Find out what people with your role, experience and location are actually paid. Salary sites like Glassdoor, Payscale and LinkedIn Salary are a good start, and many countries publish official wage data by profession. The most valuable information often comes from people: ask colleagues, mentors or recruiters what a fair range looks like. People are usually more willing to share than you expect, especially if you ask about a range rather than their own salary.
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Know your value
Write down, in concrete terms, what you bring. Not adjectives like “hardworking” or “dedicated,” but results: the project you delivered early, the client you kept, the process you improved, the money you saved or helped bring in. Numbers are always more persuasive than descriptions.
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Know your alternatives
Negotiation experts call this your BATNA, a term from the classic book Getting to Yes by Roger Fisher and William Ury. It stands for your “best alternative to a negotiated agreement”: what you will do if this deal doesn’t happen. The better your alternative, the more confident you can be, and the clearer you will be about when to walk away.
With those three things in hand, decide on two numbers:
Your target
The salary you will ask for, at the upper end of the range you researched.
Your walk-away point
The lowest offer you would accept. Keep this one to yourself.
During the conversation
Five lessons for the conversation itself. Click each one to open it.
Lesson 1Don’t accept on the spot
When an offer arrives, thank them warmly and ask for a little time. It is completely normal, and it gives you room to think clearly.
Try saying
“Thank you, I’m really excited about this. Could I take a day or two to look at the details?”
Lesson 2Aim high, with a reason
The first number on the table tends to shape the rest of the conversation. Psychologists call this anchoring. If you know the market well, it usually pays to name a number at the upper end of your range, and to explain why. Research by Malia Mason and colleagues at Columbia Business School also suggests that a moderately precise figure, like 87,500 instead of 90,000, signals that you have done your homework and tends to draw counteroffers closer to your number.
Lesson 3Make it about the work, and the relationship
Here is where the research on women gets interesting. Studies by Hannah Riley Bowles and Linda Babcock found that women who negotiated were sometimes judged more harshly than men who did the same. But that changed when women explained why the request was reasonable and showed that they cared about the working relationship. Their requests were seen as more legitimate, and they weren’t penalized for asking.
In practice, that sounds less like a demand and more like a conversation between two people trying to make something work.
Try saying
“I’m really excited about this role and about working with the team. Based on my research for similar positions, and on the results I delivered in my last role, I was hoping for something closer to 87,500. Is there flexibility there?”
Lesson 4Then stop talking
Silence is uncomfortable, and most of us rush to fill it, often by lowering our own number. Resist the urge. Let them respond.
Lesson 5Listen more than you speak
Ask questions. What does success look like in this role in the first year? How are raises decided? What does the budget allow? Every answer gives you something to work with.
If the answer is no
A “no” on salary is rarely the end of the conversation. Salary is only one part of what a job is worth, and there are often more places to find value than people realize:
- A signing bonus or a performance bonus
- More vacation days or flexible hours
- Working remotely some days of the week
- A budget for courses, conferences or certifications
- A better job title
- A salary review after six months instead of a year
If none of that is possible, ask what it would take to get there.
Try saying
“What would I need to achieve in the next six months for us to revisit this?”
Then put the answer in writing, in an email that sums up what you agreed. It turns a vague promise into a plan.
And remember your walk-away point. Sometimes the best outcome of a negotiation is realizing that a job isn’t the right fit. That’s not a failure. It’s information.
The same rules apply to raises
Asking for a raise in a job you already have follows the same logic. Choose your moment, ideally after a clear win or during a performance review, not in the middle of a crisis. Bring your results. Know the market. Frame it around the future: what you have delivered, and what you want to keep building there.
Your quick checklist
- I researched the salary range for my role, experience and location
- I wrote down three concrete results I can point to
- I know my alternative if this doesn’t work out
- I chose my target number and my walk-away point
- I practiced saying my number out loud, with a friend or in front of a mirror
- I have a list of non-salary benefits I would value
- I will ask for time before accepting, and confirm the final offer in writing
You don’t have to do this alone
The women who negotiate best usually have other women in their corner: someone to practice with, someone who has been through it, someone who will tell you that yes, you can ask for more. In cities around the world, LOLA chapters bring women together to learn, share experiences and support each other’s careers. Joining is free.
New to the ideas behind LOLA? Start with our guide: What Is Libertarianism?
Sources
- Women Are Leaving Thousands of Dollars on the Table by Not Negotiating a Salary, American Bar Association
- Women Do Ask for Raises, PCMA (on Artz, Goodall and Oswald, Harvard Business Review, 2018)
- Relational Accounts: A Strategy for Women Negotiating for Higher Compensation, Harvard Kennedy School
- Coverage of the Bowles and Babcock study, ScienceDaily (2013)
- When Forming First Offers, Take Precision into Account, Program on Negotiation, Harvard Law School
- Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In, Roger Fisher and William Ury (1981)